ReXaminations

Rereading the X-Men - all the way from the beginning

X-Men 117 (Claremont/Byrne, Jan ‘79)

Shadowy Flashback Episode!

While most of the X-Men try to sail away from the Savage Land (they are eventually picked up by some friendly sailors), Jean and the professor each mourn the supposed deaths of their comrades in their own way. For Xavier, this entails an extensive flashback story set in Egypt:

Hey look! It’s baby Storm! She steals Xavier’s wallet. Xavier tracks her back to a place that looks exactly like Bogart’s bar from Casablanca. He runs into Sydney Greenstreet, I mean Amahl Farouk:

Farouk is a bad telepath and there is the inevitable confrontation on the astral plane, with awesome armor and everything:

Xavier wins, and Farouk dies (not really, of course). Xavier’s alien princess girlfriend Lilandra convinces him the only way to get over the X-Men’s deaths is to run away to space with her.

Epilogue: Jean Grey runs into her roomie Misty Knight. Misty is headed to Tokyo for a job. I wonder if that storyline goes anywhere.

Next: That Storyline Goes Somewhere!

ReXaminations isn’t dead, it’s just resting.

I’ve been working on a draft of my next novel and haven’t had a ton of time to write up the next batch of ahhh-maaaaa-zing X-men comics.

Seriously, the Phoenix saga is right around the corner. And I’ll be writing about it. Just not until early December.

Until then, enjoy the googlies.

-Dwain

X-Men 116 (Claremont/Byrne, Dec ‘78)

Trying to burn Colossus at the stake just makes him blush.

The X-Men and their allies are going after Garokk the stoned Sun God. It doesn’t take long for half the crew to get captured. As the remaining X-Men decide what to do, Wolverine has a heart-to-heart with Zabu:

Meanwhile, Zaladane is burning the X-Men alive one by one, starting with the very noncombustible Colossus:

I think Colossus is blushing!

Anyways, the other X-Men show up and kick some tail. Karl Lykos decides to stay in the Savage Land, because he’s way safer there during the times he turns into a homicidal dinosaur.

X-Men 115 (Claremont/Byrne, Nov ‘78)

Rock Gods in the Savage Land!

Sauron is back and he’s up to his same flying pants wearing dino tricks! He hypnotizes Wolverine and has the little berserker do the fighting for him:

(read the ReXaminations for X-Men 60 and 61!)

It’s all a big bit of confusion though, as Sauron (or rather human Karl Lykos) is working with X-Ally Ka-Zar to stop an evil sun god and his priestess Zaladane:

Why a sun god is made of rock, I’ll never know. Ka-Zar has a different version of the story - and in his version he’s riding a flying shark:

The X-Men don’t want to help (probably because Sauron is a bad dude and Ka-Zar sounds like he’s high) but change their minds when their exit is blocked by snow. It’s snowing in the Savage Land, and that can’t be good!

Next: Trying to burn Colossus at the stake just makes him blush.

X-Men 114 (Claremont/Byrne, Oct ‘78)

The Day the X-Men Died

The X-Men are dead! Buried underneath Magneto’s volcanic playpen. Only Beast and Phoenix managed to escape:

Psych! Of course the other X-Men are alive (and of course they think Jean and Hank are dead) and manage to tunnel in where else? The SAVAGE LAND!

Wolverine wastes no time and starts killing dinosaurs. He’s in berserker rage heaven.

Colossus is also enjoying the local sights:

And Cyclops (being Cyclops) is brooding and discovering information about his parentage through facial hair grooming:

It’s the X-Men, though, and so good times don’t last very long. Soon they are attacked by a very much alive Sauron! (the evil supervillain dinobird, not the LOTR bad guy)

Next: Rock Gods in the Savage Land!

X-Men 113 (Claremont/Byrne, Oct ’78)

Wolverine eats baby food and other tales.

The X-Men are babies! Not really but Magneto has reduced their motor functions to that of a six-month-old and given them a robotic nanny:

Magneto is so confident in his victory he goes and robs an Australian military base and then chills on Asteroid M for awhile. Xavier continue to chill in Greece with his alien princess girlfriend, wondering “why haven’t I heard from the X-Men in awhile?”

What Magneto doesn’t count on is that when Storm was six month old, she could already pick locks. And you were proud your kid was crawling.

The X-Men escape (as they do) and Magneto attacks (as he does). The X-Men get the upper hand, but they forgot an important part of their location – it’s at the bottom of an active volcano!

Magneto peaces out, leaving the X-Men to die. Somehow Beast and Phoenix escape and we can only assume the rest of them didn’t make it.

Next: The Day the X-Men Died!

X-Men 112 (Claremont/Byrne, Aug ‘78)

Next: Magneto vs the X-Men Round Whatever.

The X-Men are in Magneto’s clutches once again! We learn a couple things in the early issue villain’s monologuing:

1. He wasn’t behind the whole circus brainwashing thing

2. He actually hates Mesmero

3. We’re not in Kansas anymore:

If you wanted to have a private conversation, you could have just said so, Magneto. No need to take our stagecoach to space and toss Mesmero out just because he was hanging with robot you. (Do they ever explain who built robo-Mags?)

Magneto guides the wagon to his new Antarctic volcano base:

Where does he get the capital (and labor) to build these crazy bases?

Magneto proceeds to take the X-Men down, one-by-one, which really irks Cyclops since he taught them to fight like a team. But then Magneto makes Wolverine punch himself in the face, so all is forgiven:

WHY DOESN’T MAGNETO JUST KILL THEM ALL?

Because he’s a bitter old man, that’s why. He’s still mad at Xavier for turning him into a baby (ok, that’s fair maybe) and so gives the X-Men collars that prevents them from speaking or using their powers - JUST LIKE BABIES!

Even better, he gives them a robot nanny, named NANNY!

Next: Wolverine eats baby food and other tales.

X-Men 111 (Claremont/Byrne, Jun ‘78)

Mesmero’s Mutant Circus!

First, an apology. I mentioned yesterday the Arcade would be making an appearance in today’s issue, but it turns out there’s a different dastardly devil behind this issue’s hijinks. Worry not, Arcade fan! You’ll see him soon.

Beast (now of Avengers fame) is wandering down the street when he see this:

And thinks, “my friends aren’t in a carnival. I should check this out.”

He goes backstage and finds Jean, only to discover she has no memory of him and has become a chain smoking hussy!

Beast goes to see this boss and it is none other than our old friend Mesmero!

When we last saw Mesmero, he was weeping over discovering his precious Magneto was a robot. (Back in X-Men 58)

While he tries to hypnotize Beast, Wolverine breaks free (both physically and mentally) and proceeds to slap Jean and the other X-Men back to their senses. They converge on Mesmero’s tent but discover Mesmero isn’t the top dog at this carnival - Magneto is! (He’s probably a robot again, and also, since when was running a carnival the next step in global domination?)

Next: Magneto vs the X-Men Round Whatever.

X-Men 110 (Claremont/DeZuniga, Apr ‘78)

Warhawk and the great mutant past time!

The good times keep rolling, as the X-Men play a friendly game of baseball. I’m not sure Colossus and Wolverine know all the rules:

Meanwhile, some B-rate villain named Warhawk (imagine a dude with grey skin and some generic spandex) pretends to be from the phone company and hijacks the danger room:

Who builds a giant paste spewing robot? Honestly, Xavier. The X-Men get out of this one and take down Warhawk without breaking a sweat.

Next: Who wants to go to the Arcade?

X-Men 109 (Claremont/Byrne, Feb ‘78)

Canadian Carnage!

The X-Men are back from their cosmic adventure and that means time for some housekeeping and relaxation. Kurt has a date! Storm waters her plants! Jean reveals to her parent’s that she has super powers! Colossus tries to write a letter!

A group of X-Men decide to go on a picnic, and you know nothing good ever happened during picnics! They are attacked, by Weapon Alpha, the best Canada has to offer:

His suit is powered by maple syrup.

Alpha wants to beat Wolverine into coming back to work for the Canadian government. He’s in over his head though as he has to fight all the X-Men, especially an enraged Banshee (Alpha accidentally shot Moira in the head). Wolverine swears that Alpha will be back for more, and next time it’ll be serious. More serious than getting shot int he head, guys.

Next: Warhawk and the great mutant past time!